17 Best Funny Discord Text to Speech (TTS) Messages and Voices Sometimes I just wish aliens would abduct me and crown me their leader. I would say my heart, but its just not as big. The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades. Whether over text or IRL, infusing humor into daily conversations makes socializing much more fun and interesting. Im trying to imagine you with personality. Im so glad we have brown cows, otherwise, there wouldnt be any chocolate milk. If genius skips a generation, your children will be brilliant. 17. You have so many gaps in your teeth it looks like your tongue is in jail. You better pay it extra. But the expression, Its all in your head, shouldnt be used when theres still a possibility (however remote) that the complaint is due to a real health problem. Dont delay. Its likely that theres something going on with that person that hasnt yet been addressed. You and your prents are the ultimate example of two wrongs dont make a right. I thought of you today. 91 Short Jokes//172 Dad Jokes//91 Corny Jokes//75 Stupid Jokes//82 Dark Humor Jokes Keep rolling your eyes, you might eventually find a brain. This post has been created by Roman Marshanski, the founder of this site. Decidedly more personal than You know what I hate? this immediately puts the other person on the defensive. Of all the goofballs in the world, you are my favorite. Earth has a population of over 7 billion, and I had to meet the biggest loser imaginable. How awful. Worse, you dont want them to have the last word, So, weve compiled a list here of 100 comebacks that you might want to use the next time your friend hurts you or makes you mad. Or theyre playing it safe. If laughter was the best medicine your face would cure the world, my phone battery lasts longer than ur relationships, If I wanted to commit suicide, I would just jump from your ego to your IQ. The song Army of One is an ode to your loneliness. Im just smarter than you. (& Other Questions! I just lost my grandfather. January graduated with an English and Literature degree from Columbia University. My name is ____, but you can call me any time. An example of data being processed may be a unique identifier stored in a cookie. 28. No, no. Follow-up phrases include Im sorry you were offended by that, or Im sorry, but neither of which qualify as a genuine apology. Some people should use a glue stick instead of chapstick. Boring texts are the bane of everyones existence. OH MY GOD! To view the purposes they believe they have legitimate interest for, or to object to this data processing use the vendor list link below. Laughter is a social superpower. [wait for her to answer did what hurt?] When you fell from heaven. you look like a gorilla just came out of town riding on a pony, I think i'll need an extra punch to get through all those layers, 50% of your beauty can be fixed with a garbage bag over your head, Ur the reason why god created the middles finger, I was hoping to challenge you to a battle of wits but i see u r unarmed, Roses r red violets r blue god made me pretty what happened to u, Where are u I can only see plastic in front of me. "You're doing it wrong. There is no comeback you can give a toxic person that will shut them up or shame them into apologizing or make them look worse to your teammates than they already do. A more common variant is She doesnt know what shes talking about, since these words are often spoken by a male to discredit a female who isnt in the room and therefore cannot (immediately) defend herself. You have an entire life to be an idiot. The last time I saw a face like yours, I fed it a banana. Ooooh someone call the cops because its got to be illegal to look that good. Youre the whole royal family. Heres another real psychiatric disorder that shouldnt be made light of. Youre the reason the gene pool needs a lifeguard. I never even listen when you tell them. Savage Comebacks. Whats understood doesnt need to be explained. Im jealous of people who dont know you. May both sides of your pillow be uncomfortably warm. Im sorry that my brutal honesty inconvenienced your ego. But theres nothing quite like LOLing when your friend sends you a random midday text with something hilarious. Avoid jokes about sensitive or taboo topics and dont take it personally if someone doesnt think youre funny. It just takes me a moment to process so much stupid information all at once. I'm so glad we have brown cows, otherwise there wouldn't be any chocolate milk. I tried to be normal once worst two minutes of my entire life. Go back to Party City, where you belong! Phi Phi OHara. Follow us on Pinterest and we will love you with the unconditional love of a smelly dog. You almost reached a level of coherency resembling my newborn son. Then vote for it at the page end. You just take my breath away. There might be affiliate links on some of the pages of this site, which means we could earn a small commission of anything you buy. I noticed you noticing me and I want to let you know I noticed you, too. have you ever considered not trying to be an idiot? It could remind them of that pain and possibly lead them back to the same torturing thought-emotion loop. 22 Hilarious Toxic Puns - Punstoppable Happy Gal-entines, bestie! I have five fingers, and the third one is for you. You see that door? 3. Instead of doing that, we could just give the other person the benefit of the doubt and kindly offer them a brief summary of the story behind the point were trying to make. I am allergic to stupidity, so I break out in sarcasm. It releases oxytocin, which can trigger all sorts of bonding responses in the human body. If you cant laugh at yourself, I can help you out. Excuse my naivety I was born at a very early age. Live it up today, Lady! He has offered his skills to the fields of marketing, healthcare, and gaming, to name a few. They say our brains don't stop developing until we reach 25; looks like yours stopped a bit early. I look ugly? Before hearing you out, your partner says "let it go" without showing any interest in learning what happened. Id say youre dumb as a rock, but at least a rock can hold a door open. I'm not a proctologist, but I know an asshole when I see one. Toxic shock syndrome: Toxic shock syndrome (TSS) is a condition caused by bacterial toxins. Here are some hilarious one-liners and funny quotes to toss into your conversations. And yes, Im referring to the mirror as well. Setting 100 alarms that I simply ignore every morning; Joining Zoom calls one minute late How to Be Funny: 7 Easy Steps to Improve Your Humor. Yeah, that is now. You have no idea what youve done! If you want anything done, ask a woman. Margaret Thatcher. The stock market. Enough to break the ice. Because thats how I feel right now. But its not a favor to remind someone of how they continue to disappoint your expectations of them, however reasonable you think those are. By Kuldeep Thapa. If you want to look thin and young, hang out with some fat old people. "Why do you have to be such a b*tch?" 30. What did you want to be when you grew up? But once youve said them, what next? I actually liked that one though. Lets face it: life gets busy and oftentimes people forget to respond to text messages. Say unexpected or random comments with a humorous tone. Do you often run out of things to say or feel awkward and self-conscious in social situations? No, no. Just remember that you dont want to come across as too clingy. Nazi (like Grammar Nazi or Feminazi), 29. Id smack you, but that would be animal abuse. Its so cute when you try to talk about things you dont understand. I am returning your nose. If your brain was dynamite, there wouldnt be enough to blow your hat off. Most doctors are too busy addressing emergencies to devote much attention to non-emergency mystery illnesses. When playing online, not everything is going to go your way. Hahahaha sorry, just thinking about how I used to date you. What did the ocean say to the other ocean? You almost reached a level of coherency resembling my newborn son. And I really hope you stay there. Keep the roasts coming and the fire burning with more funny roasts! I would like some tips on how to clear my mind from someone with nothing meaningful to contribute. Its the sound of me not caring. it can be hard to notice that insults are actually harmful not just playful fun. Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone. Allow me to be the first one. His name is Dudley. Where can you buy chicken broth in bulk? This expression is meant to brush off someone elses response to an offensive remark. Ever. But then you wonder what you might be saying without intending to harm anyone that others find offensive or controversial. I never even listen when you tell me them. "Grow a pair." 23. Its scary to think people like you are allowed to vote. I recently started investing heavily in penny stocks. 20 Toxic Phrases That Can Ruin Your Relationship - Marriage Large and in charge isn't your excuse to be a fat asshole. Roses are red, Violets are blue. You dont understand when you arent wanted. Whered you get your outfits, girl, American Apparently Not? Trixie Mattel. Lists. Sometimes, though, we use offensive words without even realizing it. Dont be ashamed of who you are. Continue the joke, please. Kourtney Kardashian. This is an A and B conversation so C your way out of it! No wonder your mom has such a big mouth, you have one the size of a whole house. It reminded me to take out the trash. When God made you, you must have been on the bottom of his to-do list. You can speak english?!? Are you from Tennessee? That is, I did until I went out and bought a $3 bag of chips. Love you! "Oh, are you triggered?" 31. When I see your face, theres not a thing that I would change except the direction I was walking in. If you like these mean roast jokes, please share this page with your friends now. My parents moved around a lot when I was growing up, but I always found them. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak. The words dwarf and little person are more acceptable, as long as they arent used with a condescending or dismissive tone. 7 Best Mean Roast Jokes For Friends, Brothers, And Almost Everyone Else. 180 Best Mean things to say ideas | funny quotes - Pinterest Log in. Id rather treat my babys diaper rash than have lunch with you. Youre living proof its possible to live without a brain. Impersonating Beyonc is not your destiny, child. RuPaul. This question basically means, How are you so ignorant? It attacks the other person for not knowing as much about a particular thing as we do. "I'm gracing you with my presence.". You look so good I want to plant you and grow a whole field of yall. Just dont confuse it with being bipolar. Why not take today off? My hair hurts. Roses are red violets are blue I have five fingers the middle one is for you. This is a lose-lose situation for me. When is your soul coming back from vacation? Hey baby are you American cheese because you come as a single now. You hit the nail right on the head. You have a lot in common with the wart on my toe: Youre hard to get rid of, and I cant stand the pain you bring me daily. 9 out of 10 voices in my head tell me I'm crazy. It reminded me to take out the trash. Sorry that I'm not playing my best right now." to which he responded, "I'm glad you lost him and I hope even more people in your family die, including yourself.". Are you normally this obnoxious, or is there some class you took? They host a movie night every . you're IQ is the reason humans arnt on mars yet. You should really come with a warning label. Are you at a loss for words, or did you exhaust your entire vocabulary? Listen to your doubts. If laughter is the best medicine, your face must be curing the world. Is part 2 of your argument coming out soon or is that it? We and our partners use cookies to Store and/or access information on a device. A lot of people have no talent. Aww, dont worry, you are wantedwanted for several accounts of perjury. Synonyms for Toxic (other words and phrases for Toxic). Thank you for calling! Today marks the anniversary of the day you dove into the world head-first! The assumption behind this statement is that the other person is overreacting to something or that the other person just loves drama or wants attention. I thought you only spoke trash. An old teacher asked her student: If I say I am beautiful, which tense is that? The student replied: Its obviously past. If you like the, A man is lying on the beach, wearing nothing but a cap over his crotch. Microsoft's new AI chatbot has been saying some 'crazy and unhinged things' Youre like asthma. 30 Funny YouTube Videos to Watch During Your Lunch Break, Funny Responses to "How Are You?" Thats your parents job. Its no less insulting or mean-spirited than if you were to use a slur to directly attack someone who identifies as homosexual. Oops, my bad. If youre offended by my opinion, you should hear the ones I keep to myself. I love that our easygoing friendship fits perfectly with my laziness. I love you with all my butt. I dont know what your problem is, but Im guessing its hard to pronounce. And it assumes their relative ignorance justifies an insult on their character or intelligence. Gen Z Girls Share The Most 'Toxic' Things To Say To Boys During a Fight Bipolar disorder isnt a joke. Congrats! Whoever told you to be yourself gave you really bad advice. Maybe youll find your brain back there. So, we say something to put them in their place.. A quirky joking message a few hours later can lighten the mood and remind them that they never responded. Jesus might love you, but everyone else definitely thinks youre an idiot. Its similar to Grow a spine but more insulting particularly to men. 34 of People's Most Relatable and Funny Toxic Traits - nami Id like to help you out today, which way did you come in? If whats fun for you isnt fun for the other person (and vice-versa), its okay to be honest about this and either separate or do things separately. Many people have been using ChatGPT and Bing chat to write long articles, poems, and even essays. Youre the reason this country has to put directions on shampoo. Your ignorance makes my racist uncle look like Albert Einstein. Don't be ashamed of who you are-that's your parents' job. Forget about the futureyou can predict it. A glowstick has a brighter future than you. I 'd never roast plastic it's bad for the environment, Yo mama so hairy, when she went to the store, they said ``no pets allowed``, if I picked you up and dropped you the whole earth would cave in on its selfd, your existence is the reason cover 19 exists, if you became a manager of a store not even a Karen would speak to you. Once youve been on the receiving end, you have a better understanding of how powerful words can be both to build people up and to tear them down.. And may your thoughtfulness and compassion influence everything you do today. Arabic has some of the most colorful and seemingly untraceable ways to insult someone or something. 22. Spending some time would imply Id spend anything on your ungrateful ass. Neither does it make sense to call someone a success based on successes that dont ultimately define them. All mistakes are fixable, yet you arent. The Department of Homeland Security added your existence to the list of Natural Disasters.. I dont have the patience or the crayons to explain this to you. These funny things to say are great. We headed over to Twitter to find the "toxic traits" people have aired out on their accounts. Toxic Things Women Say To Men - BuzzFeed Here are some of the most-liked, and RUTHLESS, comments: 1 . I cant think of anything to celebrate on your birthday except you being closer to death. I might be crazy, but crazy is better than stupid. Here are a few of the best on the internet: Use the savage quotes below in order to show others that you are more intelligent than they are: The quotes below are perfect for showing someone you can handle yourself in a fight: When someone insults you, dont be afraid to use the comebacks below to insult them right back: These insults are brutal, but theyre also hilarious. Dont pretend your feeling of fullness after that chimichanga gives you the right to call yourself fat as an expression of solidarity, either. People are like refrigerators: its whats inside that matters. Your talking to me? What's the most toxic thing you've seen another player say in game? Sometimes a narcissist will ask for your opinion on something, and you give it, and then they make you feel bad for saying something like that. Mister Rogers would be disappointed with you. "We're you born in a highway? 50 Hurtful Insults For Your Ex When you Just Need To Be Mean - GLOW UP LIFE However, its crucial to strike a balance between lightheartedness and being appropriate. 5. Lucky for you, they cant laugh, either. No, you want something witty, something to cut them to their core. My heart was beating fast when I saw you walk in. 1. Queer Movie Night is part of the Kansas City Center for Inclusion (KCCI). See more ideas about funny quotes, sarcastic quotes, mean things to say. But, still. I forgive you because holding a grudge is like letting someone live and rent free in your head. Please just tell me you dont plan to home-school your kids. You sound reasonable Time to up my medication. Yeah? Those born with dwarfism or with any condition that limits their physical stature do not, as a rule, choose to be called midgets.. And while men generally build bulky muscle more readily than women, the testosterone responsible for that doesnt make them stronger where it really counts. I love that super cute thing you do when you dont reply for 10 hours. Did the middle of my sentence interrupt the beginning of yours? Youre the corner piece to an unsolvable puzzle: everyone looks right past you. Im not going to repeat myself, but Im also glad to do anything that prevents you from talking. Either way, if you like this. What distinguishes OCD from ordinary attention to detail are the three words that make up the acronym: obsessive, compulsive, and disorder. When I see food, I eat it. Forget about the pastyou cant change it. Id agree with you but then wed both be wrong. 3. thesaurus. Its a bigoted response to anything that doesnt line up with someones narrow idea of what it means to be an American Christian. Id let you have the last french fry. Youre the reason God created the middle finger. A sense of humor is being able to laugh at something that would actually make you mad if it happened to you. This funny discord TTS message has got you covered to have a good laugh. Ultimately, if your expectations dont match theirs, theyll only act as a barrier. Were gonna party like arthritis isnt setting in and were too old for this crap. Thanks! Omg, can you slow down? Dont forward my call, I know where you live. You sound like one of those bleeding-heart liberals., 12. 9 out of 10 voices in my head tell me Im crazy. 11. I still have mine. Most Funny Random Things To Say My teeth itch. Hey, I lost my phone, can you call it for me? Some of our partners may process your data as a part of their legitimate business interest without asking for consent. You my friend, are a white crayon on white paper. Youre the reason the divorce rate is so high. And thats the best compliment I can give. Id hate to come across a universe where youre funny. Everyone has the right to be stupid sometimes, but you are REALLY abusing the privilege. Did your parents ever ask you to run away from home? Youve probably seen someone stop another persons talking by putting a hand up to their face, as if to say, Talk to the hand. Its a rude and dismissive way of saying, I dont care about what youre saying.. The people who tolerate you on a daily basis are the real heroes. Avoid it. Using the word triggered, though, is insensitive to those who struggle with a real mental illness or with deep, emotional trauma. But friends like you lie on the floor with us and laugh our butts off together. And we enjoy feeling superior, even a little bit, to someone who has made us feel smaller, less important, or less intelligent. And maybe youve felt called out, shamed, or devalued by someone elses thoughtless remarks. Youre like my fridge: always full of yourself yet offering an abundance of empty calories. Ill never forget the first time we met. If you were a booger, Id pick you first. If you have a problem with me, write the problem on a piece of paper, fold it, and shove it up your ass.