If you steal from one author, its plagiarism; if you steal from many, its research. And a funny bone. 61. Best friends eat your food. Never let your best friends get lonely, keep disturbing them. Bill Murray The world needs people like me to keep things interesting!, 15. 105. Theres life without Facebook and internet? "When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.". 99. Jackie Collins, 240. 275. Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again? And their purpose certainly isn't to minimize hard feelings. - Catherine Pulsifer. Work smarter, not for owning iPhones, but for not fearing their breaks., 3. Enjoy! 154. Because it was soda pressing. Whoever said great things come in small packages hasnt seen my big screen TV. If you have crazy friends you have everything youll ever need. Here are the 200 best sarcastic quotes, from funny comments, sayings, and phrases dripping with snarky sarcasm. grateful. 177. Why cry for someone when you can laugh next to someone else? Dear universe, Im totally open to all of the amazing things coming my way. No matter how bad it gets, Im always rich when I go to the dollar store. My body belongs to me and I can set boundaries around it. 72. It can get you out of a tight corner and people who lack a sense of humor cannot do. A bargain is something you dont need at a price you cant resist. Alexa, please clean the negativity off of my mind please. If lying was a job some people would be billionaires. 8. 120. I am passing all the things and hardships with a smile. This is the mondayest Monday that ever mondayed. If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the up button. If I want a squirrel to like me, I guess I gotta act like a nut. 27. I woke up with some aches and pains, but I woke up. 268. Perhaps youre just starting to use affirmations and still cant take yourself seriously. I am finding fun and joy in everything I do and everywhere I go. I didnt give a f*ck yesterday, I dont give a f*ck today, and I wont give a f*ck tomorrow either. 169. 25. It is, therefore, safe to say that, sense of humor can help you become successful in whatever you choose to do in life. "Once you choose hope, anything's possible.". 142. Love your enemies. Doing nothing is hard, you never know when youre done. When life closes a door, just open it again. 150. Silence is golden, unless you have kids, then silence is just plain suspicious. Maybe there are no excuses to be lazy, but Im still going to keep looking. Czech proverb, 261. 249. East Steve Martin, 254. I said yes, which turned out to be the right answer. I tried, but they wanted cash. Why cant you trust an atom? No man goes before his timeunless the boss leaves early. Gary Delaney, 248. Enjoying this list of funny affirmations so far? When I was in high school I had two favorite subjects, lunch and recess. Well, I guess I have to be odd to be number one. I can always think of something funny to say. I will go out. 274. 270. - Irish Saying. 207. Funny Affirmations - Etsy Whether youre saying the affirmations aloud or writing them down, laughing along will only strengthen their effect. Bill Murray The best things in life are free. health is important. Because seven ate nine. 33. On Mercury, a day lasts 1,408 hours. 7. All my life I thought air was free, until I bought a bag of chips. I might go home today, but I will go bigger tomorrow. I can engage in small acts of kindness to uplift other people. I dont think thats a coincidence., 3. Happiness is a choice. Effective pushing often involves poop. Can February march? Edward A. Murphy. I dont need a hair stylist, my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning. I can believe in myself for 5 minutes. 7. Required fields are marked *. Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. Below youll find a collection of funny affirmations for work that will help you stay motivated and fight the work stress more efficiently. There are endless opportunities. 1. You can only be young once. 20 Most Powerful Affirmations Because Thoughts Become Things 133. Sincerely, the floor. ( @malacollective) Fear and adventure go hand-in-hand when you're following your dreams. 69 Funny Affirmations To Lighten Up Your Mood To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer. Sam Levenson. I keep moving forward even if my pants come off. 8. "Don't let anyone ever dull your . The 50 Funniest Inspirational Quotes - Curated Quotes Today, I choose to put on my positive pants. My dream job would be the Karma delivery service. We all have those days when we feel like the world is coming to an end. Get help beating negative thinking by reciting positive affirmation every day. Be strong, I whispered to my WiFi signal. I eat cake because its someones birthday somewhere today. Common sense is like deodorant, those who need it the most never use it. Its not important to win, its important to make the other guy lose. 231. 187. What is the difference between snowmen and snowwomen? I am on a seafood diet. 25. Funny Wednesday Work Quotes. I say what I want and i dont care what everyone else thinks about it. I radiate calmness and tranquility, with a little side of body odor. I like my thoughts how I like my whiskey, always glass half full., 11. 31. I now pronounce you man and wife, you may now change your Facebook status. They make you change without hurting your self-esteem. 3. Not sure who to credit this meme to, but kudos. One of the most important aspects of affirmations is how authentic they feel to you. Maybe Monday doesn't like you either. 26. Erma Bombeck 223. Even on my worst days, turning on some stand up immediately puts me in a better mood. Im amusing and make the people around me happy. Granted, it can be challenging to write affirmations, especially if you havent done it before. You wanna know who Im in love with? I will be the type of person I would like my children to become. Because he was always spotted. [click_to_tweet tweet=I can always think of something funny to say. quote=I can always think of something funny to say. theme=style4], 2023 Oldtown Publishing LLC 479 State Route 17 N 212. Hes dreaming too. 4. 279. Today I was a hero. I have no time to worry; I have to be awesome. When you feel terrified (without your safety being in danger): 5. Be like a pineapple: stand tall, wear a crown, and be sweet from the inside., 11. 186. Nobody is listening, but you still feel embarrassed. Yes, officer, I saw the speed limit, I just didnt see your car. 94. No matter how bad it gets, Im always rich when I go to the dollar store. 8. Tact is the ability to tell someone to go to hell in such a way that they look forward to the journey. It will just flow naturally. Explore the latest videos from hashtags: #affirmations, #affirmation, #funnyaffirmation, #dailyaffirmations, #affirmationsoftheday, # . 123. 165. (John 14:27) 27. Emphasis on the cool. Ill keep going forward even if my pants tear off. 85. 214. 234. Stop playing with me., 6. No matter what I look like. 62. Get Love Tips Sent Straight To Your Inbox. Not everyone has good taste. 66. If Monday had a face, I would punch it. 213. Cindy from Marzahn Ensure that your actions match your words. You never know what you have, until you clean your closet. Dear universe, I am totally open to all the amazing things coming my way. 111. With great power comes an even greater electricity bill. I always dream of being a millionaire like my uncle. If you cant remember my name, just say chocolate and Ill turn around.. Every time you are able to find some humor in a difficult situation, you win., 5. Diet rule #1: If nobody sees you eating it, it doesnt contain any calories. 104. An apple a day keeps anyone a way, if you throw it hard enough. If you're going to be thinking, you may as well think big. Laughter can help you see the humor in otherwise grim situations. 100. Life is always easier with some humor, smiles, laughter and fun. Giving up on myself because of one setback is like slashing my other three tires because one is flat., 10. I am at peace with my body and accept it as it is. 50. Pat Sajak I will drink my coffee and conquer my day. 3. I don't entertain negativity in any shape or form. 18. Its not important to win, its important to make the other guy lose. 109. 154 Short, Positive Affirmations that are Easy to Remember. A quote to live by for when life gets bitter. 12. The best way for me to appreciate my job is to imagine myself without one. Choose a job you love and youll never have to work a day in your lifebecause that field isnt hiring. I make the right choices every time. 137. 38. You kill vegetarian vampires with a steak to the heart. "You're in mint condition for a vintage model. My feelings are just like acquaintances, they come and go., 5. 176. 215. Whats the difference between a guitar and a fish? The following is the list of some humorous affirmations for you: I am doing all the amazing things because I am an amazing human being. I dont go crazy, I am crazy. 54. Give me a photo of you so I can show Santa what I want for Christmas. The older I get, the more I start ignoring my friends. Why cry for someone when you can laugh next to someone else? I will not let my mind be a bully to my body. 30. 179. I am calm, patient and at peace. My mind is becoming much sharper. Im so good at sleeping that I can do it with my eyes closed. 40 Apology Paragraph For Her To Say Im Sorry, 80 Cute Relationship Quotes For Sweet Couples In Love, 50 Doubt In Relationship Quotes To Rebuild Trust, 75 Sad Broken Relationship Quotes To Fix Your Heartbreak, 70 Relationship Honesty Quotes On Love, Trust & Loyalty, 80 Relationship Sorry Quotes To Apologize To Your Love, 65 Disney Quotes About Family That Will Warm Your Heart, 90 Best Shrek Quotes From The Funny Ogre Movie, 80 Blended Family Quotes To Share With Your Loved Ones, 90 Female Fitness Quotes For Women Who Workout. Please do your own research before making any online purchase. I teach my kids good things in sarcastic ways. 266. You try again, but no sound is coming out. Whenever I get back home, I lose all the superpowers that I had when with friends. 280 Short Funny Quotes and Sayings - Luvze Im multitasking: I can listen, ignore and forget at the same time. 59. 100 Funny Christmas Quotes. Finding humor in a difficult situation helps me win. Heres some short funny affirmations that will hopefully brighten up your day. Lazy people fact #2347827309018287. You might use humor as a coping mechanism. Are these genes in your jeans or are you just happy to see me? Be yourself; everyone else is already taken. I did it! "Who you are inside is what helps you make and do everything in life". I lost some weight once, but I found it again in the fridge. Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city. - Unkmown. Dont make me laugh, Im trying to be mad at you. If you think women are the weaker sex, try pulling the blanket back to your side. Im gonna be worse., 12. 245. I havent talked to my wife in three weeks. Today I will embrace the poop., 7. Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain. 26. Here, we are listing down some awesome funny positive affirmations that will bring out serious positive changes in you. If you cant laugh at your own problems, call me and Ill laugh at them. I tell you what always catches my eye. I am changing all my useless things into something productive by working on them. We may speak different languages, but we all laugh the same. 5. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, sharks for the wifes mother. I get it nowIm single because Im a superhero., See also: 140 Single Quotes For Instagram Celebrating Single Life. Today Im going to reach for the stars so that I can air out my armpits. 61. The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on. Positive mindset affirmations. 177. I am the sunshine even when its gloomy outside. Why is England the wettest country? Your eyes water when you yawn, because you miss your bed and it makes you sad. We all have baggage, find someone who loves you enough to help you unpack. Excuse me, I need to go be awesome today. Dont worry, the spider is smaller than you. 31. 8. 206. Pat Sajak, 41. Love may be blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener. - Benjamin Franklin. Funny Positive Affirmations For Work. 55. Wouldnt exercise be more fun if calories screamed while you burned them? Daily affirmation: your hair is so much better than it was in middle school., 2. ~ Bill Gates. Every weekend I do what I love most, absolutely nothing. I dont suffer from insanity. Look, youre smiling! I am lazier after accomplishing the motive. Mind blown! 50 Funny Affirmations for a Daily Dose of Humor - Happier Human Always remember youre unique, just like everyone else. avoid carbs. 243. Education cost money. Not a peli-cant. Henny Youngman, 246. My house was clean yesterday, sorry you missed it. When I can laugh at myself, life becomes so much easier. If Im not there, I go to work. Robert Orben, 4. The great pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do. Smiles are contagious, be a carrier. 2. If you think nothing is impossible, try slamming a revolving door. After Monday and Tuesday, even the calendar says W T F. 204. Even if youre a skeptic, you must admit these funny affirmations really work. 197. A gummy bear. I just go normal from time to time. These 50 funny affirmations will help you feel better about yourself while keeping a wide smile on your face. Rather, the goal is to help kids recognize the truth, in situations and in themselves. Even if you dont consider yourself a funny person, you should never be afraid to express your unique humor. 201. 206. 54. Because someone is always sitting on the deck. When nothing is going right, go left. I'm Sergios Rotar, a 21 years old personal development enthusiast. Find a quiet place without distractions. I solemnly swear that I am up to no good. My dream job would be the Karma delivery service. The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one. Oscar Wilde, 5. Chop your own wood. I sometimes might be too much, but I am always enough. About Us | Privacy Policy | Terms | Contact 2023 Quotement. 194. 7. 277. Description for this block. Unknown. I havent talked to my wife in three weeks. They planet. I get up, dress up, and show up. Im not here to judge, Im just pointing out all the mistakes youre making. We have rounded up the best collection of funny affirmations, quotes, sayings, captions, positive thoughts (with images and pictures) to encourage friends and family to manifest their thoughts into things. It has nothing new to tell you. I release all shame about my body. Oh sheet! 85. Relaxing the mind with some funny affirmations is an easy way to reduce stress and keep yourself grounded in moments of turmoil. Plus, youre never gonna become funny and charismatic by being afraid to speak your mind. Yes, officer, I saw the speed limit, I just didnt see your car. I am grateful for the healing power of humor. I'm doing great. I am enough. I might take a nap if I get tired, but I wont quit. 91. When I was in high school I had two favorite subjects, lunch and recess. Everyone brings happiness to this office. 221. Not looking at the price tag when Im shopping., 11. Learn sign language, its very handy. I love my computer because all my friends live inside it. 190. 81. 9. Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea. Im lovely because everyone likes me more than Monday morning!, 7. Whoever said great things come in small packages hasnt seen my big screen TV. 56. I am healthy, I am wealthy, I am hot!, 14. 13. 191. Every time I like the taste of the food, I am damn sure that its unhealthy for me. Sometimes I am so freaking awesome, I blow my own mind. My feelings are just like acquaintances, they come and go. Really? Why cant you trust an atom? 214. Affirmations are an opportunity to be honest with ourselves and recognize that we have a treasure trove of power and creativity within us. Tact is the ability to tell someone to go to hell in such a way that they look forward to the journey. Maybe there are no excuses to be lazy, but Im still going to keep looking. And one of the fundamental truths in life is that they will make . 128. Paul Ehrlich, 241. Monday I shall slay thee with me mighty cup of coffee. 2. A backbone. Given below are some short quotes to tickle your funny bone. 3. I love my job only when Im on vacation. 74. You can write them down and use them whenever you're attending a social event or if you simply just want to make yourself laugh. They are a powerful tool you can use to change your attitude, your perspective on life and shift from a negative to a positive mindset. I can always be fatter. Sincerely, yourself., 2. Why do they call it beauty sleep when you wake up looking terrible? I experience ease and flow as I navigate my exhilarating life. I am full of vitality. - Donald Trump. I asked my North Korean friend how it was there, he said he couldnt complain. 267. I stick to things until I get to my destination. Yes, of course, I am athletic, I surf the Internet every day. HAM AND EGGS A days work for a chicken; A lifetime commitment for a pig. My to-do list doesnt include dealing with negative people. I personally love watching masters of comedy, Feel free to pick a few of these affirmations and say them to yourself the next time youre. 126. Ben Hogan. 57. 39. He who laughs last didnt get it. Dear universe, Im totally open to all of the amazing things coming my way., See also: 120 Best Spiritual Universe Quotes To Contemplate Life. All you need is love. Funny affirmations youll find here will boost your confidence and make you laugh. Just like every Monday does on Earth. I choose a lazy person to do a hard job, because a lazy person will find an easy way to do it. Learn sign language, its very handy. Relaxing the mind with some funny affirmations is an easy way to reduce stress and keep yourself grounded in moments of turmoil. 36. I am just making myself capable enough to live in the moment. Its not easy staying motivated for work all the time. 1. Bill Murray. 33. Confidence makes me powerful. Doing nothing is hard, you never know when youre done. Affirmations are a great way to change your mindset. I am so worthy so that I am filling the life of people with fun and joy. 212. Share them with your friends and colleagues and make them smile too. I am loving all the bad experiences because they are giving me something . Then perhaps youd find value in these articles on. 216. We need to hear a pin drop. 1. Today Im going to reach for the stars so that I can air out my armpits., 8. 110. A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kickboxing. It will have a positive effect on your mind and body, and form an association between affirmations and a happy feeling. They shape our present and have an impact on our future. 1. No one is immune to self-sabotage, heartbreak, loss, and failure. It has features that are distinctive and make me who I am. Live life to the fullest. 152. I may not know karate, but I know crazy and Im not afraid to use it. 77. When the past comes knocking, dont answer. Flip Wilson I nourish my body every day. Whats the difference between a guitar and a fish? The most important thing to remember when using positive affirmations is that it is all about how you feel. Youll probably grin or laugh if you say these affirmations aloud, thinking youre crazy. 228. 234. I feed my spirit. Helen Giangregorio. 149. 1. Forget the butterflies, I feel the entire zoo in my stomach when Im with you. The most important thing to remember when using positive affirmations is that it is all about how you feel. If everyone knew what I was thinking, I would get punched in the face a lot. 202. Really? It makes them so damned mad. Laughter keeps us from taking life too seriously, and life certainly does everything it can to ensure that we take it too seriously. I am confused between what I like the most hanging out or posting that I hung out. 226. I am lazy till I get a motive. Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker? Friends come and go, but enemies remain and build up. Things are getting better all the time. 135. 232. Subscribe To Our Newsletter! 10 Funny Affirmations That Will Put A Smile On Your Face - QuoteReel I am lazier after accomplishing the motive. Gravitation cannot be held responsible for people falling in love. Ive made it from the bed to the couch. What happens to a frogs car when it breaks down? My chins are a stairway to heaven. In between, I am alive. My boss is like a baby, screams and wakes me up every half hour. 164. Whatever the case may be, a sense of humor can go a long way toward changing your perspective on negative occurrences in your life. Albert Einstein. Today, I laughed until my abs started hurting, so I can skip the gym. 184. And in that moment I swear I still didn't give a shit. I like expensive things because I learn the act of taking care from them. I am capable of rewriting my grievances and transforming my fears. I didnt give you the finger, you earned it. My six pack is protected by a layer of fat. 27. Funny Daily Affirmations. 60. 250. 130. The rest are too expensive. Excuse me, I need to go be awesome today. I ve had great success using daily affirmations for my personal development. 63. Short Funny Affirmations - Finally, I'm Revealing My Secret Im thinking like a proton, always positive., 9. Always follow your heart, but remember to bring your brain along. Affirmations are a powerful tool to overcome self-sabotaging thoughts and boost your self-esteem. The chains on my mood swing just snapped. Also read: 70+ Positive Affirmations For Teens From Parents. 131. People say you cant live without love, but I think oxygen is more important. Putting up with others shit isnt on my To-Do list today. What do you call a bear with no teeth? Never let a fool kiss you, or a kiss fool you. Positive affirmations are a longstanding practice for those of us who need a little extra daily encouragement, and the best part isthey're free and they're flexible! 107. This is a good thing because affirmations are supposed to be associated with happiness and positive emotions. Bill Gates. I used to have winter fat but now I have spring rolls. I believe we should all pay our tax bill with a smile. Ken Dodd Cell phones these days keep getting thinner and smarter; people the opposite. 48. 180. One thing you need to remember though; if you are going to be funny, then make sure youre actually funny. Funny Affirmation Quotes - ShortQuotes.cc Whats the best thing about Switzerland? 142. Im thinking like a proton, always positive. 202. 128. I bet giraffes dont even know what farts smell like. 26. I honor that time. I dont need a psychologist to dig into my personal life and ask me about all of my secrets, thats what my friends are for!, 13. Rodney Dangerfield. I hope you have a ridiculously amazing day. Microchips. Ted Turner. 255. 205. On Mercury, a day lasts 1,408 hours. Trust me, your secrets are safe with me and all of my friends. A backbone. 47. 211. George Burns Remember: Dont Insult the Alligator till after you cross the river. Nobody gets out alive anyway. What starts with E, ends with E, and has only 1 letter in it? I believe in what's possible for me. When you fall, I will be there to catch you with love. We have a connection. 70. If at first, you dont succeed, so much for skydiving. I never apologize. 274. Once youve chosen one of our affirmations or devised your own, its time to put it into practice. Give your body time to absorb the positivity and let go of negative thoughts. So, watch your words, restructure your thoughts, and stay positive if you want to see a change in your life. I am Ananya, a professional speaker and I love motivating people and inspiring them to pursue their dreams. 43. 175. - Bette Midler. Car Dealership: The best way to get back on your feet, miss a car payment. Wilson Mizner, 262. As an Amazon Associate we earn from qualifying purchases. I really should do something with my life, maybe tomorrow. Chris Rock Youre just gonna feel embarrassed for a minute or two and then it will be over. Socrates. Be strong, I whispered to my WiFi signal. 122. Use them as a tool to boost your self-esteem and productivity, as well as to overcome procrastination and complete all assigned tasks. Today, I am thankful for this week. Roy Lichtenstein I am noticing that others are more drawn to me because I am funny. Youre born free, then youre taxed to death. So with that being said, heres a list of funny affirmations to motivate you to come out of your comedic shell. Awesome things will happen today if you choose not to be miserable., 7. 63. Feel free to pick a few of these affirmations and say them to yourself the next time youre overwhelmed, stressed, or just dealing with negative self-talk. I enjoy taking long romantic walks, to the fridge.