return null; TOP 25 QUOTES BY GEORGE CARLIN (of 976) | A-Z Quotes Its interested in its own power. I like it when a flower or a little tuft of grass grows through a crack in the concrete. //50 Motivational George Carlin Quotes For Success Every now and then you find yourself in a different place. George Carlin, 31. , The real reason that we cant have the Ten Commandments in a courthouse: You cannot post Thou shalt not steal, Thou shalt not commit adultery, and Thou shalt not lie in a building full of lawyers, judges, and politicians. And if you do any of these things, he will send you to a special place, of burning and fire and smoke and torture and anguish for you to live forever, and suffer, and suffer, and burn, and scream, until the end of time. [CDATA[ Its only a piece of cloth. George Carlin, 75.The things that matter in this country have been reduced in choice, there are two political parties, there are a handful of insurance companies, there are six or seven information centers.. but if you want a bagel there are 23 flavors. Thats the only thing keeping it and expanding it wherever possible. George Carlin, 57. I sincerely believe that if you think theres a solution, youre part of the problem. "https:" : "http:") + (function () { The challenge is to find it.George Carlin, I put a dollar in a change machine. This is what we have to offer. A comedian can say things that you may not want to hear but need to. They all said: 'Try to live together peacefully.' 3. Dont sweat the petty things and dont pet the sweaty things. function isShowingBuyableFeatures() { Let George Carlin Inspire You! #shorts #georgecarlin #motivataion # Weve learned how to make a living but not a life. fetchBids: function() { How is it possible to have a civil war?George Carlin, When I ask how old your toddler is, I dont need to hear 27 months. Hes two will do just fine. It creates a hostile work environment. George Carlin, 65. Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac? George Carlin, 41. Don't forget to confirm subscription in your email. George Carlin was one of the most iconic comedians of all time and he had a lot to say about government. Thats the problem. The planet is fine. "Never argue with an idiot. If its true that our species is alone in the universe, then Id have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little. 100 George Carlin Funny Quotes On Religion, Stupid People George Carlin > Quotes (?) We have multiplied our possessions but reduced our values. George Carlin, The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends. Below youll find the best collection of George Carlin quotes. The politicians are put there to give you the idea you have freedom of choice. My mind doesnt work that way, I got this real moron thing I do, its called thinking and Im not a very good American because I like to form my own opinions I have certain rules I live by. They will only bring you down to their level and beat you with experience. George Carlin, 2. googletag.pubads().setTargeting("surface", "mw"); Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac? What really ought to be said after one of these so-called tragedies is, Let the scarring begin.George Carlin,When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops? George Carlin In America, anyone can become president. It can help you a lot. George Carlin, 8. By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth. George Carlin, 10. Question it, and try to see the world for what it actually is, as opposed to what someone or some company or some organization or some government is trying to represent it as, or present it as, however they've mislabeled it or dressed it up or told you. To me, authority is something that a freer spirit, a more independent mind, and a person who can handle the world, doesnt need guidance from. George Carlin, 61. You get kicked out when youre too young, you get a gold watch, you go to work. Tax them. Before, all you had to go by were these 14 quotes. Think of how stupid the average person is, and then realize that half of them are stupider than that. " George Carlin Quotes "Most of the country was founded by slave owners so they could be free. session: { id: "334-5362882-2183381" }, On The Simple Solution To Parenthood's Most Difficult Question "Parents are burning these kids out on structure. When you have to wait a year to sleep next to a tree, something is wrong.George Carlin, I dont have to tell you it goes without saying there are some things better left unsaid. Use your fucking heads! Republicans have been trying to get people to work for no pay for a long time. Laugh until you gasp for breath. George Carlin, 3. googletag.pubads().collapseEmptyDivs(true); Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesn't mean the circus has left town. Hes just sayin that stuff. Good. 11 Profound Quotes on Politics by George Carlin An example of data being processed may be a unique identifier stored in a cookie. George Carlin Government Quotes "Religion is like a pair of shoes..Find one that fits for you, but don't make me wear your shoes." George Carlin "Religion is just mind control. stylesheet.type = "text/css"; When you're born you get a ticket to the freak show. If work is so terrific, how come they have to pay you to do it? 4. If you vote and you elect dishonest, incompetent people into office who screw everything up, you are responsible for what they have done. var cookiePair = cookie.split('='); Im not sure thats the way to fight discrimination. Being considered as one of the top comedians of all time,George is well known for his black humor, political views, observations on language, psychology, and religion along with many other taboo subjects. He believes that knowledge can change the world and be used to inspire and empower young people to build the life of their dreams. Sooner or later the people in this country are going to realize: the government does not give a fuck about them. A.src = t; !function(){function n(n,t){var r=i(n);return t&&(r=r("instance",t)),r}var r=[],c=0,i=function(t){return function(){var n=c++;return r.push([t,[].slice.call(arguments,0),n,{time:Date.now()}]),i(n)}};n._s=r,this.csa=n}(); 50 The Alchemist Quotes To Make You Follow Your Dreams, 195 Best Cobra Kai Quotes (Seasons 1 5), 70 Attack On Titan Quotes That Will Inspire Greatness, 37 The Lion King Quotes Filled With Powerful Life Lessons, Your email address will not be published. Who watches everything you do every minute of every day. Maybe this time itll work. George Carlin, Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointedidealist. George Carlin, Never argue with an idiot. "I have certain rules I live by. Are these people kidding? When youre born in America, you get a front row seat. George Carlin, 48. Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not? Im not sure silencing people or forcing them to alter their speech is the best method for solving problems that go much deeper than speech. if (isRetina) { May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house. And just dumb enough to passively accept it., The government doesnt lie, it engages in disinformation., Im a loyal American and Im not happy unless I let the government and industry poison me a little bit every day., Government wants to control information and control language because thats the way you control thought, and basically thats the game theyre in., Bullshit is the glue that binds us as a nation., I believe the government should step in where the free market fails., Sooner or later the people in this country are going to realize: the government does not give a fuck about them., A flag is supposed to represent everything that a country does.. [.] Please dont forget to subscribe to ourRSS-feedor followInspirationfeedonTwitter,Google+,andFacebook! If you have selfish, ignorant citizens, youre going to have selfish, ignorant leaders. George Carlin, 73. Quotes, 60 Confidence Quotes to Help You Understand Your Self-Worth, Chris Evans Inspiring Quotes on Happiness, Success, and Being Laser Focused on Love, Strangers Spring Into Action to Save a Driver in Crisis on a Busy Road [VIDEO], 8-Year-Old Finds Out His Favorite Waffle House Waiter Is Hiding a Secret Doesnt Hesitate to Raise $64,000 for Him, White Woman Refuses to Listen to Dad After He Forbid Her From Marrying a Black Man 60 Years Later, Theyre Still Together, Kansas City Chiefs Fans Donate Over $300,000 to Buffalo Childrens Hospital After Dramatic Playoff Win Versus Rivals. George Carlin Quotes - BrainyQuote. Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups. George Carlin, 39. I think the warning labels on alcoholic beverages are too bland. The politicians are put there to give you the idea that you have freedom of choice., Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups., If churches want to play the game of politics, let them pay admission like everyone else., Political correctness cripples discourse, creates ugly language and is generally stupid., Bipartisan usually means that a larger-than-usual deception is being carried out., When I hear a person talking about political solutions, I know I am not listening to a serious person., If you have selfish, ignorant citizens, youre gonna get selfish, ignorant leaders., If you have selfish and ignorant citizens then you too will become a selfish and bad leader.. The only person who is with us our entire life is ourselves. Try spelling Evian backward. When you step on the brakes, your life is in your foots hands. } catch (err) { Its what our system produces: Garbage in, garbage out. They've long since bought, and paid for the Senate, the Congress, the state houses, the city halls, they got the judges in their back pockets and they own all the big media companies, so they control just about all of the news and information you get to hear. Deal with it.George Carlin, Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.George Carlin, He and if there is a God, I am convinced he is a he, because no woman could or would ever fuck things up this badly.George Carlin, I dont know how you feel, but Im pretty sick of church people. Theres only the immediate future and the recent past.George Carlin, Regarding the fitness craze: America has lost its soul; now its trying to save its body. George Carlin,Brain Droppings, If you cant beat them, arrange to have them beaten.George Carlin, Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesnt mean the circus has left town.George Carlin, And although I broke a lot of laws as a teenager, I straightened out immediately upon turning eighteen, when I realized the state had a legal right to execute me. George Carlin,Brain Droppings, Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations. It presents itself as fairness, yet attempts to restrict and control peoples language with strict codes and rigid rules. George Carlin, 60. q("i", arguments) ' George Carlin, 56. Well, if crime fighters fight crime and firefighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight? Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear the music. Vicious Quotes Page 5. . I love individuals. Some of our partners may process your data as a part of their legitimate business interest without asking for consent. I see a glass thats twice as big as it needs to be. George Carlin, 44. //]]> window.csa("Events")("setEntity", { } It can help you a lot.George Carlin, Isnt making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?George Carlin, I often warn people: Somewhere along the way, someone is going to tell you, There is no I in team. What you should tell them is, Maybe not. They will only bring you down to their level and beat you with experience. George Carlin, I like it when a flower or a little tuft of grass grows through a crack in the concrete. "ebfg_email", "ebfg_sms"]; Here are some of our favorite George Carlin quotes on politics. While some of his views may not be popular among the masses, he does make an interesting point when it comes to government. Your dog thinks you're a god. ! Everyone should try to scratch their name on the bomb of life. Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesnt mean the circus has left town. George Carlin, 23. It will be Nike sneakers and Smiley shirts. You and I are not in the big club. George Carlin quotes government sayings, in particular, are thought-provoking. The future will soon be a thing of the past. In America, anyone can become president. "Events.SushiEndpoint": "https://unagi.amazon.com/1/events/com.amazon.csm.csa.prod", He was born May 12, 1937, in New York City into an Irish Catholic family, but he rejected the faith. The big wealthy business interests that control things and make all the important decisions. Igor is a SEO specialist, designer, and freelance writer. Get future posts byemail,oryou can follow us onInstagram,Pinterest,andFacebook. var gads = document.createElement("script"); } Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. //]]> They will only bring you down to their level and beat you with experience." - George Carlin 2. Most people with low self-esteem have earned it. George Carlin, 29. Electricity is really just organized lightning. We are a nation of sheep, and someone else owns the grass. George Carlin, 79. Religion has convinced people that there's an invisible man living in the sky. Ever. I just dont have as many people who believe it.George Carlin, How come when its us, its an abortion, and when its a chicken, its an omelet?George Carlin. Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity. George Carlin, 53. The quality of our thoughts and ideas can only be as good as the quality of our language. George Carlin, 25. 21 George Carlin Quotes On Government And Politics googletag.pubads().setTargeting("resource", "author_22782"); The consent submitted will only be used for data processing originating from this website. What if I want to have a crappy day?George Carlin, Not only do I not know whats going on, I wouldnt know what to do about it if I did.George Carlin, Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.George Carlin, So, have a little fun. Some people have no idea what theyre doing, and a lot of them are really good at it. George Carlin, 42. They never mention that part to us, do they? George Carlin, 50. Or, at the very least, it will be slanted to suit them, and then rarely followed up. You know how I define the economic and social classes in this country? This is what we have to offer. //]]> Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist. George Carlin. Every person you look at; you can see the universe in their eyes, if youre really looking.George Carlin, Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die,your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck. ' George Carlin, 30. Each one of them has an entire hologram of the universe somewhere within them. George Carlin, 34. googletag.pubads().setTargeting("author", [22782]); Carlin and his older brother, Pat, were primarily raised by their mother in Manhattan's Morningside Heights neighborhood. They all said: Try to live together peacefully. BAM! Press Enter / Return to begin your search. Dont just teach your children to read Teach your children to question what they read, teach them to question everything. Maybe this time itll work. Its never just a game when youre winning. George Carlin, 7. George Carlin Quotes - BrainyQuote Period. a[a9]._Q.push([c, r]) We and our partners use cookies to Store and/or access information on a device. It's a Big Club, and You Ain't in it - American Thinker [CDATA[ Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.. You work forty years until youre young enough to enjoy your retirement. They spend billions of dollars every year lobbying, lobbying, to get what they want. At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom. if (window.Mobvious === undefined) { Dont just teach your children to read Teach them to question what they read. born on May 12, 1937, You have no choice. If black boxes survive air crashes why dont they make the whole plane out of that stuff? George Carlin, 55. They own you. } I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, Wheres the self-help section? She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose. George Carlin, 43. Life is not measured by the breaths you take, but by the moments that take your breaths away. No money to be made off of the homeless. All random, all undetected, no way to trace them to me. Theres only the immediate future and the recent past. George Carlin, 22. My advice: just keep movin straight ahead. Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things. Careful, if you think too much, theyll take you away. George Carlin, 77. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death. I mean, life is tough. October 29, 2004. document.getElementsByTagName("head")[0].appendChild(stylesheet); return cookiePair[1]; That's the problem. You know why? } You have owners. George Carlin, 84. var ue_t0=window.ue_t0||+new Date(); Well, its Gods will. Thy Will Be Done. Fine, but if its Gods will, and Hes going to do what He wants to anyway, why the fuck bother praying in the first place? " George Carlin 14. The less said about it the better. George Carlin, 38. Interview with Todd Leopold, edition.cnn.com. What do you say? 2023 Inspirationfeed. //]]>. If holy people are so interested in politics, government, and public policy, let them pay the price of admission like everybody else. 4. George Carlin. They own you. A = p.createElement(s); Trying to be happy by accumulating possessions is like trying to satisfy hunger by taping sandwiches all over your body. George Carlin, 45. Every person you look at; you can see the universe in their eyes, if you're really looking. He was also known for his outspoken views on government and politics. Its so fuckin heroic. George Carlin, Most people work just hard enough not to get firedand get paid just enough not to quit. George Carlin, Bipartisan usually means that a larger-than-usual deception is being carried out. George Carlin, If you have selfish, ignorant citizens, youre going to have selfish, ignorant leaders. George Carlin, Theres no present. Tell them the paint is wet, and they have to touch it to be sure.George Carlin, Instead of warning pregnant women not to drink,I think female alcoholics ought to be told not to fuckGeorge Carlin, I tried to believe that there is a God, who created each of us in His own image and likeness, loves us very much, and keeps a close eye on things. Weve added years to life, not life to years. George Carlin, 6. The 531+ Vicious Quotes Page 5 - QUOTLR Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away. George Carlin, 9. Quote by George Carlin: "Political correctness is fascism pretending to 70 Wise Quotes From George Carlin | Inspirationfeed I think the warning labels on alcoholic beverages are too bland. George Carlin Shitting on Government for 8 Minutes Straight LaughPlanet 900K subscribers Subscribe 42K 1.3M views 2 years ago #GeorgeCarlin #Comedy #America George Carlin Shitting on Government. What are your favorite George Carlin quotes? We talk too much,love too seldom, and hate too often. }()); He was the second onComedy Centrals list of top 10 American comedians in 2004, posthumously awarded theMark Twain Prize for American Humor in 2008, and ranked second in number on the list of the 50 best stand-up comedians of all time by Rolling Stonemagazine in 2017. 50 Best John Mulaney Quotes For Every Comedy Fan, 13 Best Writing Tools for Inspired Authors, 30 Of The Best Dale Carnegie Quotes on Having a Great Life, 45+ Enlightening Quotes and Pieces of Advice, Inspirational & Spiritual Quotes From (365) Days of Tumblr, 40 Progressively Inspirational Sevenly.org Quotes, 45 Inspiring Quotations That Will Change The Way You Think #2, 5 Tips To Keep In Mind Before Hiring a Therapist Online, comedy about a singer who pretends to be a nun, friday funny motivational quotes for work, funny quotes about stupidity and ignorance, george carlin don t sweat the small stuff, george carlin on god the planet and the freak show, george carlin sayings that don t make sense, i dont want nobody fucking with me in these streets, positive funny inspirational quotes for work, quotes about getting screwed over at work. George Carlin Shitting on Government for 8 Minutes Straight What exactly is viewer discretion? After all, he was one of the most successful comedians of all time! It always has been. (function() { George Carlin 'Political correctness is fascism pretending to be manners.' Quotes are added by the Goodreads community and are not verified by Goodreads. If you enjoyed the following article we humbly ask you to comment, and help us spread the word! A flag is supposed to represent everything that a country does. I like it when a flower or a little tuft of grass grows through a crack in the concrete. Keep in mind, the news media are not independent; they are a sort of bulletin board and public relations firm for the ruling class-the people who run things. 5. }, It seems only right. In America, anyone can become president. Its important in life if you dont give a shit. Others see it half empty.I see a glass thats twice as big as it needs to be.George Carlin, Tell people theres an invisible man in the sky who created the universe, and the vast majority will believe you. Aparently we're not ready for that! Its so fuckin heroic.George Carlin, The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.George Carlin, If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?George Carlin, I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use? This is the best we can do folks. Be happy with what youve got, because the owners of this country dont want that. Theres no present. The people are fucked." George Carlin "Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. (?) The Strange Afterlife of George Carlin - The New York Times Just daydreaming. They own all the important land. googletag.cmd.push(function() { His insights on the world of politics were always keen and often quite funny. googletag.cmd = googletag.cmd || []; Im not sure thats the way to fight discrimination. The challenge is to find it. George Carlin, 17. When you are born, you get a ticket to the freak show. the important thing is to, first of all, question everything you read or hear or see or are told. Lets get started! var ue_sid = "334-5362882-2183381"; The people are fucked. George Carlin, May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house. George Carlin, Some people have no idea what theyre doing, and a lot of them are really good at it. George Carlin, Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity. George Carlin, We have multiplied our possessions but reduced our values. Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that. The caterpillar does all the work, but the butterfly gets all the publicity. George Carlin, The Christians gave Him Sunday, the Jews gave Him Saturday, and the Muslims gave Him Friday. But there is an I in independence, individuality, andintegrity. George Carlin, If its true that our species is alone in the universe, then Id have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little. George Carlin, The caterpillar does all the work, but the butterfly gets all the publicity. George Carlin, Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Hes not a cheese. George Carlin > Quotes > Quotable Quote - Goodreads.com So, I dislike and despise groups of people but I love individuals. They own, and control the corporations. To view the purposes they believe they have legitimate interest for, or to object to this data processing use the vendor list link below. George Carlin political quotes may seem sensitive, but they inspire necessary conversations. Because he was a genius, and here are 11 quotes that prove it: 1. var ue_sn = "www.goodreads.com"; One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends is that three out of four murders are committed by people who know the victim. Laugh often, long and loud. George Carlin Quotes - Facebook 4. Governments don't want a population capable of critical thinking, they want obedient workers, people just smart enough to run the machines and just dumb enough to passively accept their situation.You have no choice. The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live. George Carlin, 46. This video is an ideal way to start your day off on a funny and thought provoking note and stay inspired through. 3. George Carlin. My motto: Fuck Hope! George Carlin,Brain Droppings, Im happy to tell you there is very little in this world that I believe in. George Carlin,Brain Droppings, If everyone in the world sat quietly at the same time, closed their eyes and concentrated as hard as they could on peace and goodwill, all the killing and cruelty in the world would continue. Men are often so foolish as to boast and value themselves upon their passions, even those that are most vicious. Life gets really simple once you cut out all the bullshit they teach you in school. 383 talking about this. Life is not measured by the number of breath we take, but by the moments that take our breath away. "//securepubads.g.doubleclick.net/tag/js/gpt.js"; Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups. 4994. The reason I talk to myself is because Im the only one whose answers I accept. George Carlin, 13. [CDATA[ q("f", arguments) [CDATA[ Looking for the best George Carlin quotes? var stylesheet = document.createElement("link"); People are wonderful. Tell people theres an invisible man in the sky who created the universe, and the vast majority will believe you. George Carlin died on June 22, 2008, from cardiac failure at the age of 71. The game is rigged and nobody seems to notice. //Top 10 George Carlin Quotes - BrainyQuote If no one knows when a person is going to die, how can we say he died prematurely? 1. Thats the problem.George Carlin, Let a smile be your umbrella, and youll end up with a face full of rain. You do drugs, alcohol, you party, you get ready for high school. We made 'em up. - George Carlin quotes. "Forget the politicians. Vicious quotes and captions plus a big list of quotations about vicious, xenophobia, and brutal quotes by George Carlin and Francois de la Rochefoucauld. They own, and control the corporations. I love and treasure individuals as I meet them, I loathe and despise the groups they identify with and belong to.George Carlin,Brain Droppings, THINGS YOU NEVER HEAR: Please stop sucking my dick or Ill call the police. George Carlin,Brain Droppings, Some people have no idea what theyre doing, and a lot of them are really good at it.George Carlin, Some people see things that are and ask, Why?Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not?Some people have to go to work and dont have time for all that.George Carlin, Meow means woof in cat.George Carlin.