Its unlikely that hell come back just because hell deal with depression. Im just hurting so bad and I dont want him to throw away something so great. Depression Depressed boyfriend broke up with me Follow Posted 4 years ago, 4 . Because they ran out of energy, they just take the blame and make it seem like their partners have nothing to do with their loss of feelings even though they know thats not the case. One day, youre helping your boyfriend with his stressors, and the next, he no longer appreciates your help and wants to be in a relationship. I can relate so much to this. When he finally decides to break up, understandably many feelings will arise. Girlfriend is depressed and broke up with me(What to do?) He also said that the breakup was something he had not thought about earlier, but since a few days only. To him, the relationship became suffocating and tedious, so he thought he needed to get rid of as many stressors as he could. I told him a week ago that i accept that he needs to be alone to figure himself out and that all I can say is that "i love you and want to be with you." I have been in no contact since 2 weeks now. It makes you feel powerless with nothing helpful to say and do. Such behavior is no different from ordinary dumper behavior. Breakups caused by depression are more common than you may think. I dont want to lose him forever, I love him so much and I just wish I could help him :((((( please help if you can. if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'psychreel_com-medrectangle-3','ezslot_1',103,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-psychreel_com-medrectangle-3-0'); As with any other breakup, you can feel like you did something wrong, maybe that you didnt care for them enough. Dont let this impact how much you admire your partner, but also leave an open door for checking on each other. My boyfriend and fiance of 5 1/2 years dumped me last night. Your ex is depressed and is taking the counselors advice seriously. Weeks go by and the pain hasnt gotten any better. I am so stuck on thinking who he was just a short time ago and how he felt so lucky to have me to just withdrawing and wanting to be alone, completely. And that he can't be happy with someone when he's not. Does he miss me? My Depressed Boyfriend, Partner is Pushing Me Away: Try This Insight desperately needed. Thank you for sharing your story. Hope you are keeping well! Along with that, the article will also suggest ways people might cope with a breakup.if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[468,60],'psychreel_com-box-3','ezslot_24',102,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-psychreel_com-box-3-0'); There can be many reasons why a person with depression might wish to end their relationship. Im going through the something similar me and my ex girlfriend are both 19 she broke up with me because of depression and that she was emotionally drained she didnt realize she was depressed till about a few . I just dont know how to stop missing him and start to move on. He didn't stay overnight or anything drasticbut it was a breaking point for him and he was prescribed new medication and sees a psychiatrist. I regret i couldnt be there in real life for her when she needed me the most during the past months and due to COVID, i couldnt give her any physical love and reassure her, but i also know that i did everything i could, i was always there for her, and i made her the happiest girl on this world while i was her boyfriend. At first, we were just casually talking, learning about each others, spending time together everyday, for quite a while and so we basically were friend, best friends. You'll get health news, advice, and inspiration delivered right to your inbox. So if youre wondering why your boyfriend broke up with you because of depression, heres the answer youre looking for. To him, breaking up is a self-defense mechanism as he assumes that pushing you away will allow him to focus on himself and prioritize his emotional health. Step 1: Find the real reason for the breakup Think long and hard about what really went wrong in the relationship. They no more experience any feelings and emotions, nor do they realize how important you are in his life. Hello, my boyfriend broke up with me yesterday due to depression. What Eckard means is that people depend on external sources for happiness and your ex will probably as well. And as their behavior changes with you, as well as with other people, you might start to fear the relationship is reaching its end. Everything seemed perfect, we had a beautiful, mature relationship for 2 years. The article then gets reviewed by a more senior editorial member. Ok, first and foremost, I'm very happy that in a relationship as hard as this one, you found the resilience to fight for it. My heart is broken. We were both survivors of abusive relationships but only I was dealing with the trauma. Did your boyfriend break up with you because of depression and youre wondering why he did that? Then the next day he messaged me saying he thinks he needs to go back to counselling and didnt know what was wrong. But if at any time it seems like coping with this is being too hard for you, dont hesitate to look for help. If you feel your husbands/boyfriends depression is no more tolerable and breakup is the only option available, do not leave them untreated in the mid-way. To him, the relationship became suffocating and tedious, so he thought he needed to get rid of as many stressors as he could. Trust issues may include factors such as jealousy, possessiveness, unreasonable rigidity, emotional infidelity, physical/sexual infidelity, relational game playing, lack of reliability and dependability, lack of emotional support, lack of financial compatibility, and lack of mutually-supportive goals. 4) How do I move on from a relationship that was truly amazing & just broke off due to circumstances? Depressed boyfriend broke up with me, what is the best way to - Reddit There's a book about male depression that's quite good - "I Don't Want to Talk About It" by Terence Real. For that, the article explained what depression is, and in what ways depression impacts a persons romantic relationship. We still see each other because of an organization we're both apart of btw. But now he thinks it is unfair to me; that he is unhappy, therefore can not make me happy. Its what he needs to stop feeling the negative emotions he broke up with you for. He just knew he couldnt bear it. Its also you because he associated unpleasant emotions with you and let those emotions suffocate him and affect his feelings for you. TOPICS HEALTH INFO. About a month into the breakup now, it was very confusing at first and it wasnt apparent what my boyfriend wanted. My boyfriend and I broke up a couple of months ago. They would have expressed how they felt and looked for solutions to work together despite their mental health illness. going thru this right now.. a week in today and non contact with him im so sad and confused but also cant even begin to imagine what HE is going through this is really hard for me. Your ex-boyfriend doesnt think you can help him with his predicament. Im going through the same situation. Does he still talk to you or at least try to. If he wanted your pity and support, he would have expressed the desire to talk about the things he needed to stay in the relationship with you. Have cried for 12 hours straight. He does this because people close to him have a lot of expectations, requests, and sometimes even demands. If your ex is going out a lot, sleeping with other women, and having a good time, he obviously isnt depressed or having a hard time coping with stress. This can be extremely painful because you feel used and discarded. With them, you will build a great space of trust and support. Research states, this area of the brain is overactive in people with anhedonia. Its in your boyfriends nature to isolate himself and wallow in depression. When people are in an unhealthy relationship they might notice some signs of it. Its something dumpers do to avoid dealing with a highly emotional situation. He has been diagnosed with Depression and Bi-Polar. Because our relationship is great. They are quite doubtful about their potentials and suffer from constant conflict about their own self worth. Rationally I knew the breakup was a good decision as it shocked me to realise at the same time I was also experiencing a level of depression due to parents being unwell I never asked for support from him, and felt constantly annoyed as I let his problem take the centre stage. So stay in no contact, get therapy, and do your best to get over your ex. She may think of herself as a burden and would want you to be free. We barely spoke during this month, and she told me she wanted to break up this Tuesday. If your boyfriend broke up with you because of depression that he's had for months or longer, this can be considered long-term and means that he slowly changed his opinion of you and lost the energy and will to fight. But some factors may make it easier for a person to feel depressed. In these situations, a talk therapist can be great. I had a traumatic run in with my ex abusive parenter and needed him. Why Is My Ex So Mean When My Ex Broke Up With Me? Some of our partners may process your data as a part of their legitimate business interest without asking for consent. It is not even them. To express my support and I got a message to not go to his house. She said she still has a lot of love for me, and care for me more than anyone else she knows, and that she still want me in her life, she wants to be there for me, and she wants me to be there for her, as we were best friends before being boyfriend/girlfriend. Her 5 roomates that shares the house werent there at all, and due to covid some of them had to cancel the lease, so she ended up paying more bills than she planned before moving. It was like he was pulling away from me. Hes just relieved and elated and is going through the stages of a breakup for the dumper. Heres a picture explaining the difference between internal and external happiness. He broke up with me yesterday but wants to stay friends I saw him on Thursday and although he was already down, it went well. Thats because theyve committed to each other and know that life isnt always a cakewalk. How is it going for you now? His dad bullys and even choked him, constantly makes him feel like hes not enough. Your partner did not choose to be in depression, remember that. He is feeling depressed and he wants to fix it. I know he really cares about me. I knew he was depressed, but he didnt want to admit it for a while. Depressed Boyfriend broke up with me. My depressed boyfriend broke up with me and I'm confused as how I Understand how each of you is responsible for caring for others, but at the same time, the other person is not responsible for fulfilling your every need.if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[336,280],'psychreel_com-mobile-leaderboard-2','ezslot_13',119,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-psychreel_com-mobile-leaderboard-2-0'); If, at any time, you see it is needed, find couples counseling, this will help you both deal with the challenges that may come. Heartbroken: Boyfriend with Depression Broke up with Me He asked me not to go to his house. know what could happen for them to have a better relationship in the future.if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[250,250],'psychreel_com-portrait-1','ezslot_23',127,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-psychreel_com-portrait-1-0'); This article showed why a depressed boyfriend might break up with their partner. Its not you, its me is an excuse dumpers use to prevent dumpees from blaming them for the breakup and making things difficult for them. I learned a lot of depressed men dont because they dont ever really learn how to open up about their feelings. I found this method quite useful to minimise the chance of my mind filled up by the same thoughts all the time it helped me to be less confused, and could progress even though the pain would take a long time to heal. During extensive heated anger prone interactions, try to keep your cool. More often than not, the stronger person eventually loses respect for the depressed person and thinks of him or her as a burden. About 3 weeks ago, my now ex boyfriend of 5 months broke up with me because of his depression. Most people rely on external things for happiness. I want back what we had. Well just make it simple and split them up into two types; long-term and short-term. He said he still loves me, but that it's not fair to me when he needs to be alone all the time. I wish I can give you a hug because we all need it. He told me he was getting better when I asked him if his new meds were workingwhy doesn't he think we can work as a team and get through this, if I have made it clear that I'm more than willing? Me and my girlfriend have been in a long distance relashionship for almost 3.5 years now. My Boyfriend Broke Up With Me: Now What? | BetterHelp And just to be able to know Im still the person he wants to be with. Staying One Step Ahead of UC. This will let you know how aware they are of their condition, and how committed they are to getting better. Should I message him in a few weeks asking how hes doing? He lost his mum, dad, and 2 best friends all in the space of 2 years. You can't wait around forever, but what you can do is try to live your life well and if things turn around, great - if not, you've still got your life. If there was something that wasnt as great or emotionally unhealthy in the relationship, it might be hard for them to come back to it.if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[336,280],'psychreel_com-leader-4','ezslot_11',116,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-psychreel_com-leader-4-0'); Having a mental illness doesnt make it impossible for a person to have a relationship. As the title suggests, my (ex) boyfriend who struggles with depression broke up with me. Then we got really close, and our feelings grew stronger and we decided to take it a step further and be in couple. Hes the dumper no matter what hes dealing with. By distancing himself from you, he can stop worrying about your wants and needs and focus only on his. And that he can't be happy with someone when he's not happy with himself and that he feels like he's changed. We are going to look for counseling and a proper therapy with proper psychologists that can give her proper help and medications, and after that ill let her be and give her the space and time she needs, while still being there for her at any time and whenever she needs me. I really feel like talking to someone who is in the same shoes to feel better although I dont know if that would make both feel better. Boyfriend Broke Up with Me Because He is Depressed You need to look at signs of depression in order to know whether hes depressed or not. In his own words: He thinks things through and makes deliberate, purposeful decisions. If hes acting differently now (lets say hes going out, partying, meeting new people), he most likely isnt depressed. Follow Posted 4 years ago, 5 users are following. When we broke up he told me the break up was neither our faults, that it was our trauma and he just couldnt meet my needs, that all he did was hurt me and I deserved better than him. This should be your priority other wise your partner is going to make you anxious and force you to overinvest in him and the relationship. I don't know what to do. If you need assistance for mental health issues, please seek expert opinion and assistance immediately.The information on this page is not designed to replace a doctor or physician's independent judgment about the appropriateness or risks of a procedure for a given patient nor does it represent a diagnoses or advice. Other than genetic inheritance, an individuals experiences,environment and perceptions plays an important part as well. For example, they might be going through a traumatic situation, such as a divorce or the loss of a loved one. Here are some ways you help your depressed boyfriend: 1. Exes who become depressed after the breakup tend to crave a relationship with the dumpee whereas those who leave because of depression want a lot of alone time. He was diagnosed with clinical depression a year ago because of a suicide attempt. He cant be because someone who leaves when youre struggling emotionally is in the relationship only for the good times. I did drop a letter off at his home when wasnt there. Read self-help books together to understand how to deal with depression and make a list of everything that could help him get out of the slump comfortably. Did they ever contact you and come back ? Meaning, if you got depressed maybe your reaction would have been to reach out to him more, for comfort while his reaction is to withdraw. Use of this website is conditional upon your acceptance of our User Agreement. I miss him so much and I just wish I could talk to him and hug him it hurts so much. I wanna stay friends but I love him so much Would that be healthy? There is a lot on Quora about why does my DP push me away? too. Get active. There were times he triggered my trauma too, but I was able to forgive him for it but he says he still hasnt forgiven me. He told me to focus on myself too and work on myself and whenever Im sad to use that as motivation. Theyre forgetting to mention why they fell out of love and what kind of behavior or attitude made it hard for them to redevelop their romantic feelings. Motivating him during times of distress and helping him follow a disciplined lifestyle may reduce his depressive symptoms. They can try to make you feel insecure about yourself and the relationship, and with that, the relationship might become co-dependent. He told me he didnt treat me the way I should be treated and I dont deserve that because Im an amazing person. Your boyfriend is this little thing we call.. Bipolar. And guilt wont help him feel closer to you. How Can You Communicate After Your Depressed Partner Leaves? We would talk and he said his son had noticed a change in him of not being happy as usual. So that all doesnt help because he said it made him feel overwhelmed and that on top of all that, he didnt have the energy to give me all the love I deserve. Affairs arent the only problems, she says. Thank you for sharing. Im just so confused as the best way to be with him if it is depression. I'm so sorry this is happening to you and, unfortunately, you aren't alone (or maybe that will make you feel better). Mental illness alone is no excuse to break up with someone. Its not just people with depression who distance themselves from others. I wish you are doing very well now after 20 days. Is It OK to Break Up With Someone Struggling With Mental Health? Coming here and reading this article and all these comments, somehow makes me feel better. When he broke up with me he was so cold and distant, as if he were a completely different person. How did things evolve for you? There are many types of depression, but we wont talk about all of them today. They may be depressed, but if their exes hadnt made them feel unwanted emotions, they wouldnt have pushed them away. Why did my depressed boyfriend break up with me? Refresh the page, check Medium 's site status, or. We've been going out over 5 years and hasn't seemed himself the past few months and then we were together and he suddenly broke down and told me he has developed anxiety and could be depressed and thinks we need to break up so can can be by himself too. They leave their partners at their worst and run off to enjoy their lives to the fullest. He kept disappointing me by canceling plans last minute and when I finally communicated my disappointment, which we agreed to do, he said I triggered him and caused his anxiety to raise everytime I messaged him. So treat his depressed state as any other breakup and take the usual post-breakup actions. You have to make sure your husband/boyfriend is motivated to engage in day to day activities as well as recreations such as hobbies, games etc. Hi everyone, I am in my early 20s and my boyfriend of 1.5 years broke up with me because he's depressed. Anyway, here is the story: My Boyfriend Left Me Because Of His Depression: Depressed - LinkedIn My Ex Is Drinking/Partying After A Breakup. They prefer to be on their own because that way, they feel the safest. Time does help just a bit too slow. I made the decision to leave the relationship, I didnt want to, but I didnt want to add to his stress and having to worry about pleasing me. He hasnt spoken to anyone about the separation and carries on like nothings happening. We and our partners use data for Personalised ads and content, ad and content measurement, audience insights and product development. I know I cant fix him so Im slowly starting to accept he may not deal with it or come back. Its difficult to face a breakup on its own but to also see the man you love go through so much pain hurts more. We spent everyday focusing on our studies, our work, while building our love, our relashionship, looking forward to that future together where we would finally be able to be together. During our time together he wasn't really on medication, only when necessary. They will do that to achieve their goals, which can be keeping the relationship as is or getting you to do something for them. And to think that this man was so in love with me just a month ago..i just feel like i don't know what to do or where we stand. Sometimes we have problems, and we need to have the knowledge and strength to deal with them. They dont explain that their exes drained their energy and made them feel smothered or guilty for not being able to reciprocate their feelings and meet their expectations. Take care! PsychReel do not provide medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. My boyfriend broke up with me a couple weeks agohe suffers from depression and anxiety. This came as a complete shock to me because because he talked to his mother about the divorce we were perfectly fine. He told me we could still be friends but I dont want that, I told him we couldnt be. I know from reading the articles that his decision to leave wasnt just impulsive and despite his reasons for leaving being that he doesnt love me anymore or see a future I believe its down to depression. Boyfriend mention to me he didnt want to go to see his granddaughter because he didnt have the energy. Be Careful About Breaking Up When You're Depressed | by Karen Nimmo | On The Couch | Medium 500 Apologies, but something went wrong on our end. This article is very helpful. If you would like to change your settings or withdraw consent at any time, the link to do so is in our privacy policy accessible from our home page.. Other brain areas involved are the striatum ( responsible for reward system) and the insula (consciousness and self-awareness). I suggest that you talk to him only when its about the kids or something important. The following are some of the ways listed: Before you try reconnecting with your partner learn about what depression is and how its consequences lead to your breakup. Tell him how his behaviors are affecting the relationship and most importantly ruining your mental condition. severely depressed boyfriend broke up with me Tharu. Just good times when we were physically together. Imagine that your shoulder is hurting like crazy and that your boyfriend is trying to help you. We're both 17. He decided that the best way to deal with smothering emotions was to get space from them and not deal with them at all. Yes.